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Lesbian Vampire Killers

March 26, 2009

I would say it’s been a fairly grim couple of weeks for Matthew Horne and James Corden, adored laddish double-act of Gavin & Stacey fame. Not only has their cock-shrivellingly awful sketch show been universally derided in the press, but they’ve also had to endure a total mauling at the movies as this, their first big screen collaborative project, has rolled out to empty screenings up and down the country.

So, I’ll be nice, because they’re lovely aren’t they? The fat one, the cadaverous one, they’re, you know, really well liked and that. What with their…stuff…the funny…stuff.

You know. Fatness. And looking all surprised and a bit, sort of, angular. People like that.

James does his robot dance (again). And shouts ‘fuck’ a lot. Matthew…does…that, er, that thing. The thing with his face. The angular face thing. He does that. A lot. People like that. I imagine. Which is good, because he does that here. A lot.

So, they’re good at that. It works, I expect, for them. It must do. because they do it. Like, a lot. Loads.

James, the dance, the shouting; Matthew, the face, the angular…face.

All good. All, you know, there…

Er, and the seats. Yes, the seats were great. Really, really comfy. Really very comfy seats indeed. God, they were comfy. To the max. They were comfort maxed out. Oh yes, sirree. No problem with the comfort from the seats.

And I was particularly impressed with the guys from Cineworls. They’d cleaned and taken away all the litter and stuff. That was good. Nice, clean cinema. Really very clean. Spotless, actually. I’d go so far as to say spotless. Oh yeah, top marks for that! Well done, Cineworld. Good job.

Good, good job there.

One thing I wasn’t sure about was the food and drink. I was kind of pushed. Bit rushed, hectic life, yadda yadda. Sure you don’t want to know, but there was this thing at work, and i was kind of in a bit of a flap, so food wasn’t a priority. But I bet it would have been great. Looked great. Looked really good. Drinks, popcorn, the other things. All looked excellent. Can’t really comment, but I’m sure I’d be praising that too.


I hope they can use some of this. Back of the DVD maybe, chaps? Just ask. Just you know, email, facebook, tweet me. Yeah, tweet me…happy to oblige. You’ll recognise me, I was the only person in the 300 seat theatre. OK?


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