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Die Hard 4.0

July 31, 2007

The first film I’ve walked out of before the 40 minute mark, and the first I’ve walked out of at all in more than twenty years (Gandhi, if you’re wondering), Die Hard 4.0presumably the .0 means this was the first draft without any improvements in dialogue, plot, character development or decent direction – sucks like a too-eager cheerleader.

Thank fuck for free tickets.

The Chief Defect of John McLane
Was fanning the defunct Die Hard flame.
At last he made some awful poop
Which went round and round in a maddening loop.
The general public swallowed it whole
For they loved films that filled this goal:
To patronise with greed-centric care
And take good money from their audience share
(a demographic no doubt packed
With pointless, gung-ho, mindless twats).
Alas! There’s no cure for this disease:
All movies will end up just like these.
A franchise for the multitude,
Anodyne drivel, loud and crude.
And so my friends, be warned by me,
That characters, plot, wit and story
Are all the Human Mind require,
If film isn’t to just expire.

As crap as it gets without actually looking at Big Screen excrement.

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